| Invisable |
[Nov. 25th, 2003|06:34 pm] |
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So was driving home from work today coming out of encinitas and there was this homeless guy crossing the street. He was like 1/2 way over when the light turned green and people just started driving like he wasn't there. There was this one chick in a jetta or some such car that didn't even care enough to slow down. It was like she didn't see him. Like she could've hit him and not thought twice about it. I was watching her the entire time it was like she looked through him. I sat there and wondered hown could someone just look through another person. And people do this all the time, usually the most thought a homeless person gets some snide remark about how its they're fault by somone who could never understand whats it like to have to depend on someone elses kindness to survive. I don't unsderstand how people can look at a homeless person and see anything else than a real person thats had a really hard time. how they can see less that abreathing feeling human being with thoughts feels and memories, with lost loves and broken promised, with dreams and asperations. I don't understand how people and be so cruel. Can you imagine how it would feel to look looked through by everyone. To have no one ever actally look at you, becasue if they did maybe just maybe they'd have to acknowledge you as more than just some random bum but an actual person. ive always seen homeless people and given money everytime i could, because i felt bad. And when they're faces lit up i always just assumed it was just becasue of the money. I think its more than that, everytime anyone gives then anything for that secson they're real to someone else some sees them. I think to most that may mean just as much if not more than the actual money. i think next time the opportunity arises ill go talk to someone thats homeless. Get to know then hopefully make then feel a little better if only for a second. If i were in they're shone i think thats what i'd want,a hot meal and someone to talk to. And it could be me it could be anyone after all most homeless people probably started out like everyone i know as just normal people trying to make it in a world they didn't fully understand or couldn't fully cope with. Maybe thats what happenes if you fail ... |
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| Creepy ... |
[Nov. 25th, 2003|12:14 pm] |
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So i now nknow im a total chick i went to see gothika tonite ... Its crazy creepy and now im all jumpy ... tried calling jon hes asleep i think ... ass:-)~ lol ... im writing because i need time to wind down and not think that creepy men or physco ghosts may jump out at any time. anyways totally a recommened movie ... more of a brian fuck than anything else but good none the less... Other than that not much has happened basically a good day though , didn't end up going to school ... my mother didn't even remember. Shes good at bitching and not coming through ... Everyone appoves of the death plan so far though even sara ... YAY!!! ... i never would but if i did its nice to know id have approval. anywho off to sleepy land i go ,,, |
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| Pyro |
[Nov. 24th, 2003|12:04 pm] |
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So im a pyro ... ever wonder if you light spray bodyspray at fire what will happen... i know now :) ... kinda makes me wanna go find a bigger flame ... but i won't ... that could cause bad things ... anywho my refelective mood is over im not too depressed now mostly happy ... woke paul up this morning (by morning i mean noon) thats always fun ... Sideshow went to school im assuming by the away message that makes me happy as well ... as fer me... Bily madisons on best movie ever ... and my mother has temporarily stopped bitching ... thats always goood ... won't last im enjoying it none the less Oh yeah and area 51 is badass. ... may go read that some more. i supposed to go check out school dunno if my moms gonna bail on that , theres really a 50/50 chance. |
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| Reflective |
[Nov. 23rd, 2003|10:33 pm] |
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"There has never been a war yet which, if the facts had been put calmly before ordinary folk,could not have been prevented...the commom man, I think is the great protectin against war." -- from the "Stupid White Men" calendar -Ernest Belvin , British Prime Minister |
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| Death |
[Nov. 21st, 2003|09:44 am] |
So i just found out someone in the family died.. i feel horrible about it. not because about the actual death because in all honesty i didn't know him that well. i had met him like once years ago and its not because of the death itself because i don't really see death as a bad thing or an ending just a beginning to something different . the more and more i hear people crying though and saying how sweet he was and how horrible it is the worse im beginning to feel. It kind makes me feel heartless or unsympathetic , i feel like maybe i should be crying that i should feel as horrible about what happened as everyone else. My mom is gonna (seeing as how she already started) bitch at me and call me "self-centered", "cold" and "unfeeling". Because she did know him and is really effected by thw whole thing. mmm... who knows maybe i am really heartless i generally don'y cry when i hear people have died. Then again no one that ive ever really loved and cared for has died. But family members have died my grandpaents died. I didn't know then throughout my life and really didn't maintain a relationship with them but they were my grandparents. My dad died too when i was four i don't think i cried then either. The only thought that really enterd my mind was staying strong because i had to take care of my mother she was hysterically crying and needed me. MMM ... i have no idea what this all means im gonna go reflect on it somemore though , hopefully the thoughts won't depress me too much.
... they probably will though |
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| The first |
[Nov. 21st, 2003|08:43 am] |
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So this is my first entry ... finally ... im so lazy ive been meaning to start this for like a week or so ... anyways what made me finally decide to do it ... free time .. i was supposed to be to work 10 minutes ago ... but my mother who takes me is a wee(under-exaggeration by far)bit of a drinker she was t her botfirnds last night and din't wake up till like a1/2 an hour before i had to be there ... and shes coming from San diego to escondido ... then the plan is to drive from there to enci tintas ... i wonder if ill get there before noon who knows reallly ... anywho other tha that i happy ... jon's coming over tonite yay!!! im preety sure that knowledge could keep me happy all day or at least thats what im hoping for ... anyways now that this is started ive run out of what to say .... so im gonna go .. BUT have no fear i shall return |
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ravenslostagin's journal